About a week ago, I hugged someone. I did it willingly. I did it passionately, and it was meaningful. This may not be that serious to some, and it really may not be that big of a deal. Yet, for me it's much greater than a simple hug. A simple embrace. A simple gesture of your love for someone. A simple thing that you just do to let someone know that you care. NO. NO! It's sooo much deeper than that.
You see, it's so deep that not even my thoughts can handle it. The mere thought of a hug makes me cringe. Cringe to the point I become as wrinkled as fingers that have been in water too long. Cringe to the point that not even Starch and Black & Decker can iron me out. Cringe to the point that I'm some dried up raisin in the sun waiting to be boxed up and eaten. I become paralyzed. I cannot move. I cannot inhale. I cannot exhale. I cannot cannot. The idea of another human being wrapping their arms around me makes me feel trapped. Trapped in something that is not real, not authentic. Like I'm trapped in a parallel universe where my very soul has left my body and there's nothing left but a shell. Nothing but an empty vessel awaiting this moment to depart. And, once it's over, I can do life again.
But a week ago, I hugged someone. And I hugged them because I wanted to. No, I desired to. No, I YEARNED to. I YEARNED for that moment of true embrace. That moment where I felt every ounce of love in that person transfer. It was as if the love leaped through their arms and that tight squeeze, saying here in this moment you are nurtured. And in that moment I felt the needle, that needle of a hug began to stitch together pieces of my heart that had been broken so long they did not even recognize each other. They did not know they were meant to be together. I had been a puzzle so long that I thought those broken pieces were my wholeness. That needle of a hug pierced through my body, and tears welled in my eyes because in that moment the pain of not being loved was so absent that I dwelled in that moment, here, an entire week later. I'm still mesmerized and enamored by His love. It was nothing but the true manifestation of the love of Christ that was given unto me in that moment. I wish I could tell that person that their needle of a hug impaled me so deeply that my life will never be the same. That the image and emotion in that moment will forever be embedded in my heart. Never will I forget about their needle, and honestly, being pricked again wouldn't be that bad.
-MelMil
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